Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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