drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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