i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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