some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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