dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
