I wanna bring you to show and tell
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize