I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize