I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
