Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
