I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
