remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
