i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
