remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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