Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
