either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
