she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
