Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
God, I missed his penis.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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