you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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