Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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