lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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