I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
