my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I got chris browned last night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
