I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize