we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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