I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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