Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
