tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
