oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
