She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
