Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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