Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
birth control should be required to get into college
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize