I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
