Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
