My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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