Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
