mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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