I'm lost and stupid without you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
