good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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