She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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