Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
