Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
