I've blown a few things in my day
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
