Jerry, you need to find god
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
