nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
