i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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