Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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