She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
