You really coming over, don't trick.
i permit you to call me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
