her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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