I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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