Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
