He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Two words: blizzard sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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