She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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