fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
