dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
