Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude i'm inner monologue high
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
