dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
