I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
