dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is Oprah even human
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize