the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
