I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
