Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize