so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
