I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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