Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
