I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
