I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
