she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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