Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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