Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
where am i from again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize