Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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