I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up under a house in Key West
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
