So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize