FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
