i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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