I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
