It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
