next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
