I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
