I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize