Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
