i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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