It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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