Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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