Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
