Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
