I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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