Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
