no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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