Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
