Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
