I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
