How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
