I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
