you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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