rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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