i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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