i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
