no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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