'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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