the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize