I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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