She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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