I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
