omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
