it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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