Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
